I still get flashbacks of the BIG day, when I first held my tiny, chirpy Cutums in my arms. It was a beautiful moment. Yes. The moment of overwhelming emotion. The moment that sums up my struggle to witness this day. It was some moment from divinity. Tears trickled down my cheeks, one after another, and in no time it felt like cascading heavily. ‘Mothers are all slightly insane’, a phrase I started having faith in, after experiencing such an emotional trance.
This boy, had something in those eyes, that innocence, which overpowered all other attributes he held. He amazed me in ways, that never used to bother me once. But with him, it was different. He had that spark, that charisma, that feel, which radiated from him and melted my heart to the core. It was some moment from divinity. It really was. I felt like, I have known him in another time, in another space, in many other ways, but I just couldn’t connect to that so very familiar feeling. It was overpowering. So much so, that it seized the hassle of the world around me, so that I could dwell in those eyes for ever.
He transformed an ordinary woman into a mother. Gave me reasons to be happier than I have ever been before! My fears, apprehensions seemed to diminish in that moment of compassion. I felt fearless. Courageous. A victor. A conqueror, most importantly. The dark side of me as a human, seemed to fall apart and made enough room for exploring what has never been tapped in. The fearless side. My very own fearless side. The flip side which I never knew I had. Sigh. It was a magical experience. A transformation. Or rather a reformation, a rebuilding of my very own self. That no words can do justice to.
He taught me motherhood. A lesson I was reluctant to learn initially. I only saw the responsibilities associated with this bond, which deluded much of my perspective on it. Whereas, what it gave me to cherish in return was so much more than what I had to give in the first place. Those sleepless nights, PJs all day, the uncombed hair, the frequent changing of the diapers, messy living space, sleep deprivation, the postpartum recovery period, the blues and so much more combined, can’t really overpower the cuddles, kisses, hugs, laughter, giggles, and most importantly those angelic eyes searching for mama. Those eyes made a passageway to my soul. My heart has reserved this miraculous moment for a lifetime. And ever since that moment occurred, nothing has ever matched the wavelength of contentment in my heart.
I love you to infinity and beyond my Cutums. You hold the biggest chunk of Mama’s heart. May you be the coolness of our eyes, and a source of immense comfort and assistance to the mankind. May the best be your destiny always. May God be your guide. A’meen.